The New Single

IMG_3218I’m horrible at dating. Its true I really am. I can give fab advice but when it comes to my own life I absolutely lack the social skills to flirt. I used to be good and sometime after high school, I lost my mojo.
Here’s the thing. I’m not the only one. There’s a whole group of uber successful women out there and while we are boss bitches, we have a really hard time dating. And this is the new normal. This is the new single. We have to contend with unsolicited dicks pics (seriously guys??), a minefield of when to call and when to text and did I text too much? How many emojis is too many? Does he pay for the date? Do I pay for the date? Not to mention the massive amount of dating lexicon there is now! Ghosting, Zombie-ing, Stashing, Benching, Bread-Crumbing, Slow Fade, Cuffing Season, Catch and Release…UGH!! There are too many! Just send me flowers, tell me I’m pretty, and don’t send me pictures of your junk.
I have a financial planner and a 401k, can someone please explain to me why I can’t seem to navigate the the dangerous waters of dating??
The nice thing about being really bad at dating is that it makes me really good at cooking. Ok,ok, I’ll be honest. I loved cooking before this whole stunted growth in dating happened. At least it provides me with a great way to stay occupied while I wait patiently for what I lovingly call my ‘Risotto Man’. What exactly is a ‘Risotto Man’ you ask? Its all explained in the next post.
I’m almost a pro at online dating and I’m hoping that it one day it will lift my dating life up out of the primordial soup that its been languishing in.  Meanwhile, I’m going to enjoy cooking and eating and YOU are going to enjoy the exploits of my rather interesting dating life. Because while it’s a total failure for me, it does provide endless entertainment for those around me.
As long as I have my wine and my Xanax I should be fine, right?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s